NEW YORK, NY- Confirming what a majority of the non-alien viewing public already suspected, extraterrestrial look-alike and outspoken television personality Skip Bayless admitted to reporters Thursday that he relies on a little help to keep that constantly emotionless expression of his. “I receive as many as twenty Botox injections per day,” said the controversial figure of ESPN’s morning show First and Ten. “Some little fat, really unattractive girl has the sole responsibility of shooting me up with no less than 350 cc’s per day, most of which goes in or around my eyebrows while we are off the air.” Bayless claims he emphasizes his eyebrows in order to maintain a “24/7 sinister, bad ass look” that will perpetually intimidate certain co-stars, most notably Doug and Ryan Stewart. “It’s imperative that I put up some kind of superficial façade that will keep them at a safe distance,” Bayless said, referring to the brothers, who are African American. “I’m a skinny white guy; they’re both well-built, sexy black men. If I slip up and show even the slightest bit of emotion and let my guard down, they will tear my white ass up. Well, not literally.”
